The words I've been waiting to hear. Eating right and exercise is no longer required to lose weight. Everything you need to be healthy as a horse can now be achieved with a pill.
I heard it for myself on talk radio, so it must be true. For just $9.99 they will ship you 30 days worth of pills and the weight will just fall off while you are sleeping. Does this mean I can eat chocolate doughnuts all day, pop a pill, go to sleep and wake up 2 pounds lighter? What's even more spectacular, these pills claim to also build muscle, without you ever having to lift a finger. If that's not a miracle, I don't know what is.
Dad always said if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is. I'm not sure what's in these pills, but I imagine the side effects can't be pleasant. It's the law of cause and effect - if you're going to shed fat during the night, it has to come out somewhere, right? I have enough issues trying to sleep through the night going from hot flashes to freezing every hour on the hour, to throw sitting on the pot into the mix.
Just when I nearly had myself talked into giving up the junk food for salads, another fat burning info commercial caught my attention. It's being advertised as a new art - body sculpting. For just four easy payments of $39.99 you can let someone, who may or may not be qualified, suck the fat right out of your body. They promise to sculpt your body to perfection and several women even give testimonials of how easy and painless a procedure it was. I just wonder, when you suck out the fat, what happens to the skin that was covering it? Wouldn't this cause an extra abundance of flab or do they have a shrink wrap available to tuck it all in?
I'm not, by any means, making fun of people who are overweight, because I'm one of them. I am well aware I need to shed some pounds and also know eating honey buns while looking at the exercise bike isn't going to make it happen. I didn't even try to make a New Year's resolution to lose weight and exercise. I was actually trying reverse psychology on myself, but it didn't work.
I guess I won't feel too bad about not exercising since even the NFL is trying to entice kids to get outside and move through their Play 60 initiative. What happened to the days of playing outside until your mom screamed for you to come home for dinner?
Now I'm just trying to convince myself to get in gear and make good on all the promises to make better eating choices or sign up for an exercise class. That's when an old country song popped into my head.
"I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden."
Sandy Turner lives in Independence. Email her at email@example.com