A hero’s welcome

After graduating from Truman High School in 1977, Independence native Doug Friend attended college, not unlike many recent high school graduates.

But after one semester, Friend says he realized he wasn’t quite ready for school.

So, he joined the U.S. Marine Corps.

That decision significantly altered the next 35 years of Friend’s life.

From choosing who would fight overseas in Desert Storm to homelessness to awaking from a dream that would inspire him to create a nonprofit organization, Friend says the question he’s asked over and over again throughout the years – “Why God, why?” – is finally being answered.

“What’s wild is that everything I’ve been through and done has led me to this point,” Friend says. “It feels like the puzzle pieces have clicked together so I know the ‘why.’ It’s been one miracle after another.”

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At age 52, Doug Friend is a self-described soft-spoken man behind his red hair and beard. Although he served the Marine Corps for many years, he never saw combat time himself.

Friend was active duty for six years and then worked for another 14 years as a civilian, handling the pay and personnel, as well as data processing and computer work, for the Marines.

When Friend went through boot camp in California, he met a man named Michael Curtin. He introduced Friend to another man with the same last name, and when the two began talking, they realized they were actually cousins who had never met.

The Marine Corps was a good fit for Friend, he says.

“I was able to use my initiatives and was able to supervise people, up to the rank of major,” he says. “It helped me to become who I am today.”

He received two Meritorious Civilian Service medals, one for Desert Storm and one when he left the Marines in 1997.

And while he didn’t see combat firsthand, Friend suffered post-traumatic stress disorder. When he worked for the Marines, he selected those who went over in Operation Desert Storm.

“It was a lot of lost sleep because of the dangers they were in, being so close to the action and everything that was going on,” Friend says, “and then being able to watch on television every day what was happening – it was a tough time.”

It wore him down. In late 1998 and into 1999, Friend was homeless for nine months, sleeping in his car, in the woods and in his father’s basement.

“There’s a lot of shame,” he says of being homeless. “You can’t believe you are there. You don’t seek out people from your past and say, ‘Hey, I’m homeless.’”

More than a decade later, Friend remembers the initial difficulty of finding help.
But he did get it.

The main step that led Friend toward getting his life back on track, he says, was receiving “a lot of counseling” from Comprehensive Mental Health Services and later the VA Medical Center.

But the year of 2001 also proved difficult for Friend.

On Aug. 24, his 18-year-old son committed suicide following the end of a relationship. Less than a month later, on Sept. 11, Michael Curtin – Friend’s good buddy from the Marines – was killed while attempting to rescue victims trapped in the World Trade Center.

He continued to receive counseling for a decade and eventually ran his own computer business for a while. Today, Friend relies on Social Security payments for income.

A painful past and years of emotional struggle would eventually lead to Doug Friend’s calling in life.

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At 4:30 a.m. June 28, 2011, Doug Friend awoke from a dream, a dream in which it – his nonprofit organization – had all been laid out.

He was to create an organization in support of homeless veterans, an organization that would provide these veterans and their families with a new home, at little or no cost.

The name even came in the dream: Heroes Coming Home. Friend immediately got on Facebook and wrote the entire outline, including the mission statement and business plans. Heroes Coming Home received its 501(c)(3) status.

“To me,” Friend says, “it was a God thing. All of that information was given to me, and it was just so easy to type it all out and to know what I was going to be doing.”

And then, a close friend of 35 years also stepped up.

Doug Friend and Pam Luce were classmates at Truman High School. Luce has known several military service members who had a profound impact on her life.

She started out as a listening ear for Friend’s plans.

“I thought it was a really neat idea,” Luce says of Heroes Coming Home. “I wasn’t sure how it was all going to come together, but I was willing to support him however I could.”

It’s not too far-fetched of an idea. In May, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs announced its plans to collaborate with the “100,000 Homes” campaign to help find permanent housing for 10,000 vulnerable and chronically homeless veterans in 2012. In 2009, the federal government announced its goal to end veteran homelessness by 2015.

“I’m not so sure we can ever do away with homelessness,” Friend says, “but we can sure make a big dent in it.”

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The final touches are taking place on the first house.

A lifelong friend of Friend’s donated the house, in the 800 block of South Woodland Avenue near Procter Elementary School. Numerous community volunteers are preparing the house for its first family, who will call it “home” sometime in early September.

Through a partnership with the Independence School District, a family was identified as needing a home. Sadly, the father – the veteran – died last month, although his widow and 9-year-old son will still move into the home.

Friend gets to meet them for the first time Monday.

“I’m excited,” he says. “I’m very excited. For me, it really is like going full circle, because (Procter Elementary) is where I went to fifth and sixth grade.”

With the first home, Heroes Coming Home will pay for the property’s taxes. The family won’t have to worry about a mortgage, with utility payments as their sole responsibility.

For this and all future Heroes Coming Home projects, applicants will be asked to show military discharge papers to prove they are actually veterans.

Funding for Heroes Coming Home, so far, has come from the community. Because the organization relies on volunteers and currently has no paid staff members, Luce helps with administrative responsibilities, including project lists, and in coordinating volunteers.

Many Eastern Jackson County volunteers also have given their time. Raintree Community Church in Lee’s Summit helped for six weeks this summer, replacing the home’s rotted bathroom floor and assisting with painting and landscaping.

Friend and Luce also network extensively for Heroes Coming Home, which includes attending the monthly Hungry and Homeless Coalition meetings at Independence City Hall. They also helped at the recent point-in-time survey, which aims to count the number of homeless individuals in Independence twice a year.

“It’s incredible to have this kind of an opportunity for Independence,” Cindy Horne, chairwoman of the Hungry and Homeless Coalition and public health consultant for Independence Health Department, says of Heroes Coming Home. “It’s been wonderful watching all of the volunteers step up. It’s been incredible to watch it all coming together.”

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A 45-year-old memory for Friend guides him in life.

When he was 8 years old, Friend and his Bryant Elementary School classmates took a walking field trip up to the Square. Near the Truman Home, they saw the former president himself. Friend was the third grade class president.

As he remembers, his teacher called: “Mr. President! Mr. President! This is our president.”

Truman took Doug Friend’s young hand and shook it.

“Young man, you have a tremendous responsibility,” Truman said, according to Friend’s memory.

“I’ve always remembered that,” Friend says, “in everything I’ve done.”