Kim Pluenneke - physician turned stay-at-home mom

Kim Pluenneke leans her slender frame closer to her daughter Molly’s computer. Her curly brown hair moves with ease as she laughs at the 11-year-old’s matter-of-fact attitude.

“Wait, just let me die,” Molly quips, turning her attention to the video game she’s playing on her computer.

“Just let me die,” Kim repeats, with laughter in her voice.

Kim wants to show pictures of Molly’s pet – a sugar glider (a type of winged marsupial that looks like a bat). Somewhere in the background, Kim’s 12-year-old son Jack is playing fetch with one of the family’s dogs, Yoshi, a tan and black Shiba Inu who is an adored staple of the comfortable Pluenneke home.

For the mother of three (including 17-year-old step-son Max) spending time after school with her children is what she was meant to do.

At 46 years old, Kim is happy to be a stay-at-home mom and doesn’t regret the life-changing decision she made to make that happen.

“I’m one of those parents that stays and watches,” Kim says. “I love to watch my kids do what they like to do.”



- Years in the making

Kim attended the University of Nebraska with thoughts of possibly majoring in physical education, and she found she enjoyed her anatomy and biology classes.

“As one of the requirements, I had to take an anatomy class, which was a very in-depth, detailed anatomy class, and I loved it,” Kim said. “And the instructor – it was really his idea – he kind of saw it was something I was really interested in. I did some extra work for him, and he sort of planted the idea.”

She eventually changed her major (for, what she estimates was about the fourth time) and graduated in 1984 as a pre-med student.

Kim, who also attended medical school at the University of Nebraska, became a licensed physician in 1988 and after three years as a resident and three years in a fellowship, she became a hematologist/oncologist with the KC Cancer Centers offices in Independence.

A career 14 years in the making never seemed unreachable for Kim, whose patients knew her as Dr. Kim Davis.

“It’s a really long time,” Kim agreed. “All your friends are well into their careers, but it takes a really long time to be ready to go into medicine.”

And she was happy in her career of choice, even though as a cancer doctor more of her patients died than lived. But it was the patients who lived – the patients who bravely faced and beat cancer – who gave Kim the hope and spirit to continue in her practice.

“In oncology, you see both ends of the extreme,” Kim said. “You don’t cure very many people with cancer, but we cure more than people realize.”

Even though people will testify Kim saved their lives, Kim is quick to point out she’s only a middle man.

In her heart, the outcome is predestined.

“I’m flattered that they think that, but I don’t think there was anything special about me or what I did,” Kim said. “It’s not the doctors that do it. God has His plan … I’m the middle man.”

For Kim, it was important, as a doctor, to look at each case realistically. One crucial part of her job, she said, was preparing her patients for the possible outcomes.

Whether the prognosis was good or bad.

“The worse thing you can do is give them false hope,” Kim said. “It can ease the difficulty by preparing people appropriately. You have to start early on.”

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Kim has a way with people. Whether it’s her children or the women she instructs in her bi-weekly cardio kickboxing class, Kim’s calm demeanor is one of assurance and ease. She smiles with her whole face, making even a virtual stranger feel like an old friend.

It’s that same bedside manner, her husband Bob says made her a much-loved physician.

“I think she was one of the best physicians I have known,” Bob says. “She loved her job, and she loved her patients.”

Bob, also an oncologist, and Kim met during their residencies. She was a year ahead of him, and they forged a strong friendship that formed the foundation of their now 13-year marriage.

As an oncologist, it wasn’t uncommon for Kim to see a patient more than once a week. She’d learn what her patients aspired to do and what their goals and fears were. It was difficult, she says, not to get attached.

Bob supported Kim through the hard times in her practice and offered her words of wisdom and comfort when she learned a patient died.

It’s his words Kim remembered when she struggled with losing a patient.

“As an oncologist, your job isn’t always to cure someone, because there are cancers, many cancers, that aren’t curable,” Kim said. “Your job is to help them through the process, improve their quality of life the best you can and help them prepare for what’s to come.”



- A new direction

For years, Kim played the role of the career mom. Kim and Bob hired a full-time nanny to help take care of their children.

“I knew our lives were busy,” Bob recalled. “But it seemed like our lives were in pretty good order.”

A self-proclaimed perfectionist, Kim said something didn’t feel right. If she’s not giving 110 percent to all aspects of her life, she says she’s not giving it her all.

She knew she was missing an important time in her children’s life. She tried working only three days a week. But at home, she worried about work. And at work, she worried about home.

“I could not give 110 percent to being a physician and give 110 percent to being a wife and mother; and because of my personality, that bothered me,” Kim said. “I didn’t feel like I was doing the best job I could do at either thing.”

In 2003, Kim made a tough decision.

She gave up her practice, 15 years after earning her license, to raise her children.

“I knew they were being well cared for, but it wasn’t by me,” Kim said. “Every mother who works has this feeling where it pulls on your heart… When the kids were little, our nanny called me at work and said, ‘Molly said Dada today.’ That was the thing that got me started.”

The decision took her more than a year to make. Her husband, while surprised Kim was considering giving up a career she loved, vowed to support his wife – whatever decision she made.

He knew she would make the right decision for their family, and he knew the family was fortunate Kim had the luxury to make such a sacrifice.

“She left her practice at the peak of her career to take care of her family,” Bob said. “They certainly have enjoyed her being at home. They have enjoyed her being part of their lives. It’s been a really wonderful, positive experience for our kids.”

Kim prayed about what to do and finally came to the realization that while she cared deeply for her patients, she was missing too much of the lives that mattered most – her children.

So she left it all behind, no regrets.



- Busy as ever

Kim, whose medical license is on inactive status, stands behind the breakfast bar in the dimly lit kitchen. A scented candle is somewhat hidden, but offers a fall-like scent to the room. Jack fidgets with a laptop sitting on the counter while Molly stands close to her mother. With approval from their mother, Molly and Jack take their after-school snacks of root beer and Pop Tarts into the living room. Jack plunks down on the oversized sofa and plops his feet up on the table.

Kim shakes her head and smiles. She doesn’t regret giving up her practice and says she thinks about returning to medicine some day.

“I miss the academics of it,” Kim says. “And I miss the people, but I don’t miss the obligation. I guess that’s the best way to put it.”

However, Kim, who admits she looks through her husbands medical journals from time to time, still has several years before her children are grown, and she’d have to take a lot of classes to get back up to speed.

“The longer I’m out of it, the harder it will be to go back because, especially in this field, things are changing so fast,” Kim says. “The research is exploding in this are so fast, which is good, which would make it hard to go back.”

The Pluennekes have settled into a routine during the five years since Kim left her practice.

Kim and the children wake up around 6:30 a.m., (Bob has already left for work). She fixes breakfast and drives Jack and Molly to school at Delta Woods Middle School. Kim runs her daily errands and gets home in time for the children to get off the bus.

They get about 30 minutes of down time before embarking on homework. And after dinner, it’s off to dance or swimming or basketball.

“We did the whole overscheduling thing, and we didn’t have any night where we were all together,” Kim says. “Now she is just in dance, and he is just in swimming and basketball. And we have one night where no one has anything, and we have dinner together every night but one.”

Kim knows things may change as the children enter high school, and she’s already had a preview through Max, a senior at Rockhurst High School.

Max generally only stays with the family on weekends, but his activities still factor into the family schedule. Interested in theater, Max helps with the behind-the-scenes tasks during the school’s productions, and the family attends every production he’s part of. They also used to attend Max’s swim meets when he was on a team.

As the family prepares Max for college, they are also preparing for a busy future for the younger two. Yet, Kim and Bob hope to instill the importance of family time and communication in their children now.

And they think it’s working, considering one popular tradition initiated by Jack. Every night at dinner, Jack poses one question.

“So, how was everyone’s day?” he’ll ask, and everyone takes turns telling about his or her day. Simply saying “fine” is not an option, the family expects everyone to elaborate.

For Kim, this little family ritual ensures there is communication in the family and reminds Jack and Molly how important it is to spend time together.

“Now it’s a priority, it’s made us closer,” Kim says. “It allows us to sit down together as a family. We laugh more together, we’re more relaxed, and we have more fun together. I think that’s the thing I like most about our family – we have a lot of fun together.”

As Kim prepared for her marriage to Bob, she had concerns about taking on the role of step-mom. Max was 4 when Kim and Bob wed.

“When you have your own child, you have nine months to prepare and read about things,” Kim said. “My parenting skills were zero, and I had to learn very quickly. I had to be very careful that he felt like part of the family and made sure he felt like it was his home, not like he was a visitor.”

It didn’t take long for Kim to overcome her fears, and Max, Kim says, takes his role as big brother seriously. In fact, during the summer the Pluenneke children participate on a local swim team that hands out awards to every member.

Max received the “Big Brother” award because he took such good care of Molly and Jack while also looking after the other younger team members.

“Jack and Molly love him,” Kim said. “He really looks our for them, he cares about them. He asks about them when he calls.”

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Nearing their early teens, Jack and Molly know they’re lucky to have Kim for a mom.

“Amazing,” Molly says to describe her mother. Molly loves shopping with her mother but prefers to take on the role of stylist. Kim’s casual T-shirt and jeans style doesn’t mix well with Molly’s trendy look, so she’s not opposed to giving Mom fashion tips.

“She does so many things,” Molly says. “She is really nice to everybody. She’s great at so many things she does.”

“Athletic,” is the word Jack uses to describe his mother. Kim is a second-degree black belt with a couple of world championships to boot.

“She does a lot of things like her fitness class,” Jack says. “She always is kind to people. She’s never mean.”



- Fitness reigns

Sounds of laughter fill the parking lot of the Woods Chapel United Methodist Church in Lee’s Summit as women of varying ages do push-ups – some with their feet nestled up to the curb, other with their feet on top of the curb. As each woman finished, she follows Kim inside a small warehouse filled with clothes, a small tractor and workout equipment.

Kim, clad in black workout pants and a pink T-shirt, walks over to a shelf and picks up her boxing gloves. She tells half the class to do crunches for one minute, and the other half to do a “punch, punch, jab,” combination on the punching bag.

Kim walks over to the last bag, which she shares with one of the 10 women in the bi-weekly class. The thuds of the gloves to the bags deepens, as Kim quickly begins her combination, exhaling with every impact.

“She’s great,” says class member Jamie Conaty. “She’s pushing us, and she truly cares about us.”

At the end of class, Kim teaches a move in which the women can quickly get up and turn away: a self defense move should they need it.

“It’s important for women to know it’s good to be strong,” Kim says. “It’s good to be physically fit.”

Kim used to focus more on self-defense with each class, but the women said they wanted to come and work out. Still, they sense the class is about more than exercise.

“She teaches us to care about ourselves, and she teaches us to defend ourselves,” Conaty says.

Once the class is over, Kim returns home where she has a list of things to take care of around the house. She keeps a file holder in the furthest corner of her kitchen. When Jack asks what time he has to be at swimming, Kim grabs the appropriate folder and reads the Monday evening schedule. This is the one night they won’t have dinner together. Jack is off to swimming with Bob and Molly off to dance with Kim.

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During their days of overscheduling, the Pluennekes found one unique way to be together.

Kim, who at one time or another has been involved in dance, gymnastics and golf, wanted to make sure her children were active and fit. She put Molly in gymnastics, thinking her daughter was a natural.

But Molly had a different plan, she wanted to be in taekwondo with her dad and brothers. It didn’t take long before Kim was involved.

“There’s nothing better than standing there in the ring, sparring with someone and hearing your little kids go ‘Go mom! Kick her in the head!’”

Because Kim and Max were so close in height, the two were often paired together for sparring, and Kim jokes they were partners until Max got too good and started beating her.

“Taekwondo is probably the only sport where you can kick your kid and not get into trouble,” Kim jokes at the reflection of sparring with Max.

Bob enjoyed the entire family getting involved in martial arts, too. The family traveled to several local, regional and even national events together.

“I walk very gingerly,” Bob often jokes, “because both my wife and my daughter can kick me in the head.”

Kim took world titles in forms, sparring and weapons in 2006 American Taekwondo Association world Championships. She tore her ACL and spent a year recovering and returned to the world championships again this summer. But something wasn’t right.

The family had given up taekwondo by this time, and Kim was spending a lot of time away from her family.

“It wasn’t the same as it used to be,” Kim said. “It felt really selfish since no else in the family was doing it, and I was up there three and four nights a week. It just wasn’t right.”

Even though she’s not in taekwondo any longer, she’s found other ways to stay fit.

For her it’s important to be active and fit.

“I want to be able to go out and play football with them in the back yard,” Kim says. “The only way to do that is to stay fit physically.”



- Building on faith

Kim and Bob know their lives are richly blessed, and they hope to pass that faith to Max, Jack and Molly.

They work to emphasize God’s role in their personal and professional lives and encourage their children to get involved in church.

Kim strives to lead by example. She gives back whenever she can.

As a physician, Kim saw first-hand the benefits of organizations like the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and wanted to get involved.

“That society is very active with patients,” Kim said.

This summer she served as the volunteer coordinator for the Light the Night Walk, a fundraiser the society hoped would bring in 8,000 walkers. But the walk was scheduled for Sept. 12, the same night tornadoes touched down on the Kansas side of the metro, and torrential downpours canceled nearly every activity.

They didn’t get the walkers, but the fundraiser still brought in $660,000

She also formed a group with her friends that encourages its members to find ways to help others.

“I just encourage them to be aware,” Kim says. “We’re pretty darn fortunate. Sometimes we get shielded from people who aren’t so fortunate.”

The group she started among friends has already raised around $5,000 in less than a year. Kim’s hoping members of the group will branch out and encourage other friends and colleagues to give where they can.

Her example is beginning to pay off.

Molly hopes to organize a group at her school centered on helping others in need, and Jack went on a mission trip earlier this year. The family volunteers as a bell ringers for the Salvation Army.

If their faith teaches them nothing else, they know that as a family they are lucky to have each other.

“They truly are a gift here,” Kim says of her children.

For Bob, the center of that family dynamic and the pillar of his family lays in the hand of one person – his wife.

“I feel like a lot of times, I’m her greatest cheerleader,” Bob says. “She’s a beautiful woman, and I was attracted to her because of all the things she is.”