I’m about to employ possibly the most amazing segue known to man – be prepared to be stricken with awe at my literary masterfulness – or should that be mistressfulness? Who knows these days whom one is going to offend, but being a true blue Aussie, I frankly don’t care terribly much.
I was absolutely amongst myself the other day when Sir mentioned to me there’s a new Aussie bakery in Kansas City (corner of Baltimore and Ninth, by the way). So keen was I, Sir and I took a special trip into town to delight in the offerings. Banksia Café has pretty much everything a long-denied Aussie, and every American, could possibly want. Meat pies, sausage rolls, pavlova, iced-vovo, caramel slice – oh it was to drool. We lunched at the café, met the owners Rob & Kate who were as dinky-di as me, and I just know they’re onto a winner. So taken were we that I just had to bring home a box of goodies to hoard for Ron (later-ron, you see).
Drum roll … segue alert!
And then again, there are boxes I would imagine you would want to steer well clear of.
Have you heard of the latest craze in sending off for a “Mystery Box” from eBay?
One guy bought a $10 Mystery Box and make a video of his opening it, complete with breathless anticipation. The box, wrapped plainly in brown paper and sporting a large question mark, was eagerly ripped into, to reveal a marginally wrapped old newspaper package containing a broken cell phone. The recipient thought this was a huge hoot, as I sat there with my “dog-hearing-a-high-pitched-sound” look.
Our next victim – sorry, purchaser – spent $10,000. Yes, dear reader, I exaggerate not – $10,000 on a Mystery Box. Now this person, I would put in the age range of late teens to early 20s, and I rather wondered at what point in his education did he learn that hurling away ten grand was a really good thing to do.
The box revealed a cornucopia of crap. Used – yes, used – tooth floss picks; a Mickey Mouse figurine; a loose gum ball, to name but just a few items of dross. Further down the box came more promising bits and pieces – a boxed DVD of Jurassic Park, but whose box revealed a DVD of Shrek. Two seemingly new virginally unopened iPhone boxes were I suppose of some value, but now of course I’m wondering from the back of which truck did these fall. I believe the penalty for receiving stolen goods is not pretty.
Then our last rocket scientists – as there were two of them – blew their entire savings on a $50,000 Mystery Box. Sounding like two rejects from “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” they “duded” their way through the box to discover the items were all near and dear to the heart of the sellers, who needed the money for grandma’s hip surgery. Well hip-hip-hooray, Grannie, you found your mark. Again, the two dudes found the whole thing hilarious.
So dear reader, in keeping with the spirit of this column, feel free to send me $100,000, and I will send you a good Aussie mystery box for your entertainment and enjoyment. Any takers? Hello? Anyone there?
Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.