There was a TV commercial I remember from way back when – for an insect killer – and the tagline reminded us “when you’re on a good thing, stick to it.”
So as you potter through life, you tend to find things you like or that work for you, and it becomes an absolute crashing bore when that thing either disappears off the face of the earth, or fails to perform.
Sir is an stickler for “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and so will go to extreme lengths, once he stirs his stumps to actually achieve a length, to find his preferred brand and style of socks or under-dungers. Mindful of a cigarette commercial back when those unmentionables were advertisable, another tagline springs to the forefront: “When only the best will do, and isn’t that all the time?”
Well he’s, as we would say in Oz, come a bit of a gutser in the sock department. He actually sallied forth and purchased a multi-pack, only to find that they weren’t quite right. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I tell you the problem lies in the toe – it’s not “gold” enough. Has he taken them back to the store? Oh, heaven forefend and surely you jest? Has he had a little bit of a Google-fest to find his beloved hose online? Judges? “Nkkk.” And the killing question – will he ever wear them? Not in a million years.
Heaven help us if his under-dungers go the way of his socks. I fear I will have to embroider his shirts with warning labels reading along the line of “Commando Within.”
Soup’s another one. Never mind the hand-crafted, from scratch, hearty and so-full-of-flavor-you-could-weep type soups I lovingly create in winter. It’s Campbell’s or it’s nothing for Sir. An award-winning minestrone evidently has nothing on “hearty vegetable with preservatives.”
Mind you, I’m one to talk here. If anyone messes with my coffee, there will be questions asked in the house. I had just discovered a new condiment – garlic pepper – at my store and loved it to bits. But when I went back to get more, I was told I’d have to buy a case. The logic escaped them that if they’d sold out of it in the first place, which they obviously had, it was therefore popular and should be restocked as it would no doubt sell out again.
But my real misery was visited upon me this week. I had discovered, if not the cure, then the hold-it-off-with-a-chair-and-a-whip defense against a cold. Caught early, a little Q-Tip coated with miracle medicine up the hooter every three hours warded off the virus beautifully.
Well I am devastated to announce the virus has obviously had a board meeting and resolved to have a bit of a mutate because my swabs aren’t working, and I’ve come crashing down with that dreaded "summer cold."
And truly, I was on a good thing and stuck with it – as only the best would’ve done. And, as I sob and honk goose-like into my 843rd Kleenex of the morning, I’d have to admit to being just a tad put out. A little "‘lips of string" and "nostrils of Niagara" if you will.
Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.