Did you realize, dear reader, that today is World Cat Day (not, by the way, to be confused with National Black Cat Appreciation Day which falls later in the month as does National Take Your Cat to the Vet Day), and that tomorrow is National Book Lovers Day, and National Women’s Day, leading on to Friday which celebrates National Lazy Day and National Spoil Your Dog Day?
I’m not sure how those two can be lumped together, unless of course you own a complete couch-potato breed of dog, as I’m sure spoiling your dog probably entails a good romp in the park, followed up by the chewing of big juicy bones or big sweaty slippers – by the dog that is, not the owner. So some energy must be spent on Fido, which somewhat spoils your plans for being lazy.
I’m not sure what set me off on this research track, but suffice it to say it must have been Something Out of Left Field Day in my recent memory to have sparked the need to find out more about these national – and sometimes International – days and months.
I discovered a website entirely devoted to these “celebrations,” and it’s run by a team of young lovelies out of San Francisco, but I feel they might need a little bit of P.C. guidance from me, as heaven’s above, we would not want anyone in that (once) fair city to be found lacking in equality.
I discovered that there is only one day devoted to birds, and only one to reptiles. Cats have a smugness of 13 days, and yet dogs wallow in a princely 23. I can see the feline population readying their catnip for a march on Washington in protest of this imbalance, and police will need to be called in to save the severe shredding of curtains and hysterical coughing up of furballs in order to keep the peace.
Likewise, husbands, brothers, sisters and fathers-in-law are granted one celebratory day each, but wives and mothers-in-law are left out in holiday limbo with absolutely bupkiss celebrating them.
In order to submit an idea for a holiday, you have to remember that the idea should “already be celebrated by a broad range of people.”
Keep this in mind when you consider “International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day” and “National If Pets Had Thumbs Day” on Feb. 23 and March 3 respectively. No matter how hard I try I can’t quite correlate these events with their being the cause of a great deal of whoopee by a “broad range of people.”
I have found a winner for our household though.
I will be sure to alert my darling Sir, he of the tidy-whities of an indeterminate age, that next Aug. 5 is National Underwear Day, so he can don his oldest and most loved pair and, oh I don’t know, dance about a small bonfire I will build for him in the birdbath all the while intoning incantations to the god of y-fronts.
For me, maybe I can get a “Contribute to the Annie Dear Retirement Fund” day – now that’s something I can get behind.
Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.