Top 10 – How do you stop complaints?

Not that I’m complaining, but don’t you just hate to walk into a room and hear nothing but kvetching? No? You jump right in? Feels good to vent, right? But did you accomplish anything? Is the world any better because you spread your little rain cloud around? Not likely. In the spirit of the Complaint Free World project begun in 2007 by Will Bowen, pastor at the One Community Spiritual Center in the Kansas City Northland, here are 10 suggestions to stop complaints (yours or other people’s).

10 Will Bowen shared one of his favorite stories of how people have used his project to improve an office culture. A hair salon owner decided to use the 21-day Complaint Free program with his staff. He painted the break room – complaint central – purple and stenciled “A Complaint Free World” on the wall. He then shared the Complaint Free World concept with them and gave them each a purple bracelet, challenging each of them to go 21 days without complaining. (Every time you complain you have to switch your bracelet to the other wrist and start over.) By the middle of the second week, three people had quit. When he hired their replacements, he did the interviews in the purple room and let them know that his was a “complain-free workplace.”

9 Turn it around. Dean says at his workplace when an employee gets in his face, complaining about something, he calmly says, “So what would you do? How would you change it?” If the complainer has a good idea for improvement, that’s a starting point for change. If not, well, then, they just like to complain.

8 You have to start somewhere, sometime. Congressman Emanuel Cleaver is offering HR155 to designate the Wednesday before Thanksgiving as Complaint Free Wednesday “to reaffirm the meaning of  Thanksgiving .... as a meaningful and powerful reminder to prepare for a day of gratitude.” Ummm, Congress hasn’t adopted this yet. It’s sitting in the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.

7  Mary recalled how she handled a family member who was having “a major pity party.” She made him sit down and write out a list of all the good things going on in his life. The list was long, and the pity party ended. “We so often forget the many things we have to be grateful for,” she wrote.

6 Kelly had a different approach. She wrote, “I find that if you have someone who always complains about their health... tell them about yours. Usually they could care less, so they stop talking. :-)”

5 Karen wrote that she and her husband have been having problems with their teenage son. “When I begin to feel sorry for myself and begin complaining in my mind, I remind myself that at least he is alive. So many parents have lost their children to death that I am reminded that I have him to love...”

4 From Rae comes this advice: “Listen to the other person... even if it is another point of view from my own. I don’t always have to make a verbal response. I may learn something.”

3 Pat wrote that “I actually DO have something that I use to set my heart straight when I feel like complaining. I remember the mission trips that I have taken and am reminded how blessed I am to have all of the things that we take for granted (like hot running water, clothing and clean food!). A truly thankful heart does not complain!!”

2 Distance yourself from people who live to complain, suggests the Christian Books for Women Web site. Try to persuade your complaining friends, family or coworkers to join you in your effort to cut the kvetching. If they can’t or won’t, try leaving the room when they launch on a tirade, but be supportive if they want to have a constructive discussion of what needs improvement.

1 Empathize. Listen to yourself. Have you ever immediately started a conversation with “You forgot...” or “Why didn’t you...” or “When are you going to ...” Wow. Hey. Good to see you, too. Think how you must sound and how it affects other people when you pull them under your own personal little rain cloud. Switch your bracelet and start over.