Leave it to scientists to take the fun out of things. You know, like space aliens.
Due to the disparity between statistics that extraterrestrial life most probably exists in our galaxy and the ensuing lack of evidence of such life, physicist Enrico Fermi famously asked in 1950, “Where is everybody?” Famously, that is, if you’re a big fan of physicists. They are a charismatic bunch.
This is known as the Fermi Paradox and is often used as a tool to support the claim there’s no intelligent life outside earth, when it could be used to support the opposite. If space aliens are intelligent enough to build craft that zoom through the cosmos, they’re too intelligent to visit a planet that’s residents think Snapchat filters are a good idea. Trust me, everyone’s already pictured what you’d look like as a dog. Stop it.
Experts now say humans are to blame for the lack of space aliens, according to a recent study.
For example, let’s consider the upcoming Sixth Mass Extinction, named such because there have already been five. Do the math.
As a species, we don’t remember the first five disasters that wiped most life from the planet because these events either happened too long ago, or we were just really drunk at the time. They were disasters like the Ice Age, super volcanos, the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs and other climate change events.
The Sixth Mass Extinction is different because science says it is being caused by – wait for it – us. Probably because of me when I was a kid and kept forgetting to turn off the light when I left my room. Mom said this would happen.
What this has to do with space aliens is that scientists claim if there are intelligent extraterrestrials, they’ve found other planets with better coffee.
No, wait. That’s not it.
If there are intelligent extraterrestrials, they don’t want to hang out with people who trash their own house.
Yes, humans are the reason a flying saucer hasn’t landed on the White House lawn. Although why it would want to is beyond me.
Much like the scientists who claimed eggs were bad for us, Aspartame was good for us and coconut oil was so awful it would mutate us into delicious coconut monsters, these scientists are wrong. There are much simpler reasons space aliens haven’t visited Earth.
Humans are annoying: Ever dump a boyfriend/girlfriend because of their laugh? We’re the ones with the laugh.
It’s too loud here: Coming to Earth is like moving into a house next to college kids who like to drink beer at midnight and set off fireworks.
Earth is too expensive: Unless you have Amazon Prime, shipping costs from the Andromeda Galaxy are prohibitive.
There’s too much paperwork: It’s possible President Trump’s immigration policy is keeping the world safe from an invasion of little gray aliens from Zeta Reticuli.
We would eat them: Given that 35.7 percent of American adults are considered obese and 74 percent of males are obese or at least overweight, ET would probably look tasty.
Let’s face it, we’re just bad neighbors.
Find out about everything Jason at jasonoffutt.com.