Getting from point A to point B – and in style

First of all, I’d like to thank all of you in the media for coming out today. This is a great day for our company, and it’s wonderful to have you share it with us.

You said there would be doughnuts.

Yes, we’ll get to that. First, however, I want you to be the first to see our newest product, one designed to fit the evolving needs of the on-the-go American consumer. And without further ado ... I give you the City Rover.

What is that thing – a golf cart or a Humvee?

It’s both, actually. It’s a hybrid, the next natural step in human mobility.

Mobility? Isn’t that what feet are for?

Come on, now. That’s outdated thinking. The city rover can take you down the sidewalk, down the street, to the mall and then through the mall. Enjoy the open road. Breathe that fresh air. Toss your groceries in the back, and move on.

So we can spend every waking hour sitting?

Why not!

Is that a GPS, and a satellite radio? And a mini-bar and a 42-inch TV? What’s the deal here?

As I say, the American lifestyle is evolving – increasingly sedentary but on the move at the same time. We call that a magical dichotomy.

Or you could call it cha-ching.

Whatever. People need to have everything at their fingertips. So you’ve got the cruise control set on 90 – I mean 70 – when suddenly you need a burrito. You reach back to the mini-frig and then toss dinner into the in-dash microwave.

Is that a roll-out bed back there?

Absolutely. You see, we envision the day when “homes” are obsolete. We’ll just load up our stuff in one of these and roll from work to dinner on the town to the store to wherever life’s rambling road leads. Maybe we’ll keep most of our stuff in rented storage units and just make pit stops once in a while.

Why is there a bubble over the top?

You don’t actually want to breathe the air out there, do you? Ick. The Rover comes with a triple-HEPA, activated-carbon air purifying system to protect you from, you know, the world.

OK, but sooner or later, a person needs a shower.

Yeah, we’re still working on that one. Lathered, naked and doing light speed down the interstate isn’t really a combination that’s testing very well.

Imagine that. Do the cruise control and GPS interface so I can pick a destination and let the Rover rove while I get some sleep?

Now you’re catching on. We find, however, that potholes, traffic jams and those boomboxes on wheels that the kids drive tend to impede a good night’s sleep. We’re working on it.

So basically your product would to turn America into a land of foul-smelling, sleep-deprived nomads?

We prefer to think of it as a big party.