Listening is the most important part of parenting

When a child is an infant, adults learn to listen for normal breathing. Listening is a parent activity of great importance and one that needs to be practiced throughout life. For our children to listen to us, we first must listen to them. Even at an early age, adults need to give children time to explain the events in their lives. 

As families get busier, people tend to forget the importance of listening. Adults are often very good at giving clear instructions, carrying out basic health care needs and assisting with school activities. But they may miss chances to provide emotional stability and learning experiences by not really listening and interacting with their children. 

Listening to a child’s long story or explanation or tearful “I can’t” may be frustrating and easy to ignore. Adults are often eager to rush on to the next activity. They are missing an excellent opportunity to allow children to think through a situation and learn how to appropriately express themselves. Listening to teens’ opinions on school rules may be boring, but it could be a way to guide them to logical thinking. Time spent listening to young people demonstrates they are capable and worthwhile as human beings. 

Sometimes listening is all that is needed; adults need not respond. At other times, adults may need to ask questions, weigh answers and give advice. Parents can learn a great deal from their children. Over time, the desired outcome is youngsters’ willingness to communicate with their parents. Then when serious situations occur, children will come to their parents, knowing they will listen and try to understand. 

To actively listen to your children, repeat back your understanding of their thoughts and feelings. Dr. Amanda Kowal, MU assistant professor, Human Development & Family Studies, lists the benefits of actively listening to your child: 

n Lets your child know that you are closely listening to him or her, 

n Makes sure you correctly understand what he or she is saying, 

n Helps your child understand his or her emotions and concerns and 

n Opens the door for your child to keep talking. 

Look for opportunities to share your child’s day and to really listen. The more parents listen, the more their children will want to share. 

For more information, contact your local Extension office at 816-252-5051, 1501 N.W. Jefferson St., Suite 111, in Blue Springs or visit extension.missouri.edu.