Teach them to be a good friend

Children need to be taught how to make friends wisely and be good friends. They also need to learn how to manage friendships whether or not they are going well. A peer smart child is likely to forge friendships with good kids, and avoid potentially damaging activities.

Despite these benefits, parents are finding it increasingly difficult to teach their children peer smarts. Fewer children are growing up near their extended families due to increased mobility. The close-knit community is uncommon in today’s society. Neighborhood life has changed; many people do not know their neighbors.

Parents’ friends are commonly in the workplace so adult friendships are less visible to their children. The media, videos, computer games, commercials and the Internet also influence children. Some children absorb negative messages from the media – lack of respect, being self-centered and materialism – that discourage meaningful friendships.

To help your children become peer smart: 

Understand your child’s peer style, which is a combination of temperament and how a child is treated at home. Some studies show that parents’ methods of discipline also influence how children handle their peer relationships. For instance, if the parents are overbearing and spank or scold, their child may react as a bully at times and as a victim in other instances. Parents may need to change their own behavior to teach their children how to be peer smart.

Network with other parents. You’ll learn about your child’s peer style and what’s going on when you are not around.

Make your house a hang-out for your children and their friends. If your home offers food, humor, recreation, boundaries and predictability, you can learn more about your children and their peers without being intrusive.

Let your children know it is all right to walk away from a friendship. Teach them to try their best to work out solutions to improve relationships. But if they cannot, ending a friendship is a viable choice for children.

 For more information, contact Dr. Nina Chen, University of Missouri Extension human development specialist, at 816-252-5051 or chenn@missouri.edu or visit your local extension office at 1501 N.W. Jefferson, Blue Springs.