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Examiner
  • Sandy Turner: Who turned the dang furnace on?

  • When I stepped out of the shower and saw my reading glasses were still propped on top of my head, my first thought was, “Houston, we have a problem,” followed by laughter that was even more frightening, since I was standing in front of a mirror.

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  • When I stepped out of the shower and saw my reading glasses were still propped on top of my head, my first thought was, “Houston, we have a problem,” followed by laughter that was even more frightening, since I was standing in front of a mirror.
    Since I prefer to self-diagnose myself, both physically and mentally, I’m blaming the escalated forgetfulness and fogginess on menopause. I base this conclusion on the fact that nearly every night I wake up thinking I’m in a sauna or breaking out in a sweat while sitting at the computer.
    I can take the heat blasts that seem to come out of nowhere, but I’m definitely having problems getting words out right and sometimes I have to work really hard to stay focused.
    When it first started happening, I immediately decided I was in the first stages of dementia, although I’m pretty sure Dad didn’t have hot flashes while he was being forgetful.
    Like any self-diagnosing maniac does, I searched the Internet and took several on-line questionnaires. Seems there’s a lot of reasons why peoples’ brains can shift to neutral, from being low on potassium to stress. Since I’m over 50, menopause seems like the best answer – plus, weight gain was also listed as one of the symptoms, and if I can have an excuse to down a bag of chocolate doughnuts, I’m in. Besides, with all this sweating going on, I figure it’s just as good as exercising.
    I didn’t find excessive hair growth listed on the symptoms for being menopausal, so I’m not sure why my upper lip is growing hair faster than I can tweeze it, and when the sun hits the side of my face just right, I appear to be covered in peach fuzz. This test had to be done discreetly, going out on the porch at high noon with a mirror, but it was conclusive, I’m getting hairier by the day.
    Again, I can deal with the hair, hot flashes, leg cramps and being overweight, but I’d like to cut the fog and get back to reality.
    Dad used to say his mind couldn’t hold everything and that’s why he was being so forgetful. With two daughters who are pregnant, a Dad who doesn’t know who I am and 10 acres of dead grass so I can’t even get my therapy by mowing, it’s a wonder I get anything done during the day.
    The office phone was continually ringing. I was juggling between answering the phone, trying to get caught up on filing and tripping over the dogs, who insist on occupying the same space.
    Apparently I’m even getting confused about my name as I answered the office phone with, “good afternoon, this is Santa.”
    Page 2 of 2 - After some hesitation the person on the other end of the line asked for some account information. I guess it could have been worse; she could have started reciting her wish list.
    Ho-ho-ho.
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