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An Election Year Christmas
Ed Kramer

At last, Christmas is here, and I’m also glad to say,
The bitter presidential campaign is finally over!
That should give us some sense of relief for awhile,
So, why do I still feel so… hung-over??

I just can’t get excited.
I’ve lost all my gumption.
My wife thinks I’m suffering
From… electile dysfunction!

No, I just can’t get “fired up”
Or “turned on” in the least.
Even as I look forward to
A sumptuous Christmas feast.

Now, don’t try to tell me, “It’s only a virus.”
My symptoms are not just from colds or flus.
No, my syndrome has only one known cause:
The dreaded “presidential election year blues”.

It’s as though I’ve been drinking
From a cheap gin distillery.
Or, could it just be
That I’m so sick of Hillary??

And Joe Biden; now, there’s a character.
His speeches are usually good for a laugh.
While every politician has the occasional slip, 
He’s earned the title: “King of the Gaffe!”

What makes Biden think he’s qualified
To be vice president, I ask ya?
Has he ever hunted moose?
Has he been a hockey mom in Alaska?

Now, just maybe my ”dysfunction”,
(Or whatever’s got me ailin’),
Could be cured if our new Vice President
Looked less like Joe Biden, and more like Sara Palin!!

Yeah, that Sara…She’s kind of a maverick!
Her time in the White House has not yet arrived.
But I betchya she could get a full-time gig
Impersonating Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live.   (Wink!)

Fortunately, when you thought your choices
Were looking like “Dumb and Dummer”,
You had help from a new political expert
By the name of Joe the Plumber.

And what’s up with this country
Electing a big-eared guy like “Obama”??
Whose name, at least to some folks,
Sounds too much like, “Osama”.

Here’s a guy who campaigned on the slogan,
“Yes, We Can!” or “Si, Se Puede!”
But when he realizes what he’s gotten himself into,
He’ll be screaming, “Mayday! Mayday!”

Wouldn’t our future
Be on more solid ground
If we believed John McCain when he said:
“The fundamentals of our economy are sound.”??

Well, frankly, that’s not too reassuring
When I look at my 401 K.
Seems like investing in the stock market
Has become more like playing Russian Roulee’.

Yeah, my wife and I followed “conventional wisdom”;
Kept our investment portfolio diverse.
Turns out we would have been better off
Just stuffing our cash inside her purse!

Well, for better or worse,
Campaign 2008 has thankfully gone away.
We can now enjoy time with family and friends
As we await the arrival of Santa’s sleigh.

But what about my persistent electile and investment dysfunction?
Could Santa possibly have a cure among the gifts in his baggage?
If not, I sure hope our newly-elected officials
Will come through with a nice “stimulus package!!”


Worry
Doyle 'Bud' Pugh

Worry is the enemy of the mind,
With no worthwhile value you may find.
Its evil ways is at its best,
When it robs its victims from their rest.
Once we allow this worthless emotion in,
Only with positive thoughts, can we win.
And when next you see it lurking there,
Adjust your train of thought to avoid despair.

Criticism
Doyle 'Bud' Pugh

Too seldom do we realize,
Of those we harm when we criticize,
There are times when we have offended,
By tactless words, with no harm intended.
The cutting words that are the most severe,
Are those that are spoken by someone dear.
Would it be better if we were to seek,
Well chosen words before we speak?
If our harmful words were reversed,
Could we accept them and not think the worst?

Advice
Doyle 'Bud' Pugh

What in life can be more worthy of the price
Than the time we spend, while taking good advice.
However good advice is not always that easy to find,
Though there is always plenty available of the other kind.
Sifting through advice is somewhat like panning for gold,
Many stones are cast aside before a nugget, you will hold.
And like that gold nugget, advice must be carefully assessed,
Much, will turn out to be only fool’s gold at the best.

Expectations
Doyle 'Bud' Pugh

That which we expect from life
Is likely that which we will find.
Our view of life can only reflect
How we perceive it in our mind.
If we wish to view a sunrise
We should not look to the West.
Nor should we dwell on our losses
If we wish to see life at its best.
To expect from themselves the least.
We might sooner chance to see
The sun setting in the East.

On getting even
Edwin S. Rice

“I wish I was mechanic like you,
And had your car --
I pay back wrench brutality --
I suffer yet, so far.

If you bring car to my garage
With steaming radiator --
I lift up hood -- say, ‘This is not good;
I’m biz, I’ll talk you later.’

And then I tell you, ‘Gasket blow,
Should better care your car --
It’s cost comes, man, from broken fan:
Twelve hundred bucks, so far.’

Then when you leave, I pull up sleeve,
And whistle tune all day;
Enjoy my job: like corn off cob,
I toss the parts away.

I call you back -- four days -- say, ‘Jack,
Your car is ready go.’
You ask, ‘How much the bill to cost;
I say, ‘I let you know.’

Then later, when I show you bill,
Put thumb on bottom line --
Explain to you just what I do;
Like you before did mine.

‘This figure here, it is for gear --
Too hot, I throw away.
All dials on dash, I must rehash,
And that, for sure, takes day.’

‘I save you man -- on this, on that;
The price, wholesale I’m giving.
And such a sweetheart deal
How hard it is make living.’

Then move my thumb -- ’most strike you dumb,
Write check with clinched eyelids;
You can then pull out and wonder ‘bout,
How tell your wife and kids.

Then quick return, with rubber burn:
You mad like alligator --
As car then nears, can’t see your tears,
For steaming radiator!”