There seems to be a zillion studies that detail the reasons why Americans don’t exercise. Depending on what links are provided to you by the Google or Bing search engines, there’s all manner of excuses/reasons/data about why we can’t or won’t pry ourselves off the couch for regular workouts.

There seems to be a zillion studies that detail the reasons why Americans don’t exercise. Depending on what links are provided to you by the Google or Bing search engines, there’s all manner of excuses/reasons/data about why we can’t or won’t pry ourselves off the couch for regular workouts.

Don’t let those faux revelations fool you. Americans don’t avoid regular exercise because of chronic pain, hectic schedules, little access to equipment or whatever slightly logical and plausible reason we can manufacture.

Americans don’t exercise because it’s hard and it sucks. Best of all, we’re OK with it. You’ve understood this reality for some time but you just didn’t want to admit it. When your recreational choices are “sweating and breathing hard” and “enjoying air conditioning, the Internet, and other modern conveniences,” it’s not hard to guess which route we’ll take.

Your knees may creak when you go for a jog or even a brisk walk on your neighborhood taxpayer-funded trail, but you know full well you could remedy that by riding a stationary bike or walking in a pool.

However, when the alternative to sweating is kicking back while watching the latest mind-rot realty show, those knees of yours are always a little more sore than usual.

Many Americans want a toned upper body and a firm stomach. The problem is one usually has to repetitively lift weights and work their abdominal region frequently to enjoy those benefits. No, that type of effort doesn’t sound fun at all. A more enjoyable alternative is expanding your waistline by scarfing back-to-back-to-back ice cream sandwiches. Sure, the result precludes you from ever wearing a tank top outside your bedroom (and only when the wife isn’t home to laugh at you), but at least the ice cream was smooth and rich, right?

The fun alternatives to good old-fashioned exercise are plentiful and far outweigh most desires to live a healthy life. That’s what separates Americans from folks in other regions of the world – we have that choice.

Right now there are people across the globe recovering from devastating man-made and natural disasters, taking up arms in defense of their human rights, suffering from oppression, or enduring famine. Many of those folks are far less obese – if they’re fat at all – than most Americans. When you’re fighting for your rights or simply trying to survive, gorging yourself on the latest fast food innovation just isn’t a priority.

Fortunately, Americans are generally in a more fortuitous place in our lives. Unfortunately, that station has softened our resolve just enough to making working out seem like an insurmountable obstacle.

John F. Kennedy once said Americans don’t do things because they’re easy; we do things because they are hard.

Nowadays that means everything but maintaining a good exercise regimen.