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Examiner
  • Coming soon: The United States of Greece

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  • Chalmes W. Snyder
    Independence
    To the editor:
    Hello, Greece – Well, we are finally on the last leg of our journey to join up with you. There have been detours and obstacles, such as convincing our people to accept your approach to dealing with your unfunded liabilities and the riots. One of our problems: an element among us who still think we should live within our means. These are silly people, and are being ignored. They are simply out of touch with the times.
    Another hurdle has been addicting our population to entertainment so they can ignore reality. You know it’s like your Olympics of old, and later on, the Romans who, when things weren’t going well, would have a big party at the coliseum to distract them from their woes. We have our equivalents – football, baseball, silly talent shows – that divert our attention so we can ignore fiscal reality. Today, lots of young people can’t tell you the vice president’s name, and they don’t seem to care, but they can relate all of the details of “American Idol,” etc.
    And like you, we are giving more than half of our people freebies, such as food stamps, shelter, clothing, exorbitant pensions for public workers, while ignoring rampant fraud and waste. It’s been a struggle, but we have successfully brought about a dependency attitude similar to yours.
    Our generosity has been amazingly successful. It seems we can’t find enough enemies and deadbeat nations to give our borrowed money to. If you think we have missed someone, please submit them in triplicate to the attention to our Department of State. I’m sure we can rectify it.
    Now that the president has won another term, all that is left is to convince the public to support him in his quest to destroy capitalism and make us more like you. So, we will see y’all soon!
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