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Examiner
  • Annie Dear: Sounds like a space mission impossible

  • Now as your mental exercise for today, I would like you to sit and ponder a situation – the worst possible scenario involving you and your healthy spouse. So, therefore include no illness, no disease, no horrible car accident – just a situation where you might wish to be in the direction of elsewhere.

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  • Now as your mental exercise for today, I would like you to sit and ponder a situation – the worst possible scenario involving you and your healthy spouse. So, therefore include no illness, no disease, no horrible car accident – just a situation where you might wish to be in the direction of elsewhere.
    Got it firmly implanted in your heads – giving yourselves a little shudder?
    Let me assure you I know that each and every one of these scenes will pale into oblivion when you read on.
    The “Inspiration Mars Foundation” has a plan to launch an expedition to Mars – the fourth planet from the sun, our next door neighbor, just a mere 36 million miles away depending on its particular orbit, which of course is a mind boggling distance. To put it into better perspective, that equates to 14,730 trips from Los Angeles to New York, minus the traffic.
    Keeping that happy thought implanted in your brains, now I want you to fully appreciate the fact that this mission is to be carried out in a space capsule roughly the size of an SUV. Cozy and snug in this knowledge now? Good, I shall continue.
    Now bend your minds to the fact that the Inspiration Mars Foundation wants two people – preferably a middle-aged couple – to man (and woman) this expedition, which, I have been remiss in not mentioning this before, is expected to take 501 days, round trip, give or take.
    Have you run screaming from the room yet? Ah, but just think, if you were the lucky entrants there would be no room to which to run screaming, now would there?
    Sir and I have discussed this at length both with each other and with friends, and apart from one particularly gorgeous Pollyanna who “always wanted to go to Mars,” the consensus has been unanimous. “Hell no” was the most popular response – well, the one which is at least publishable.
    I could just see Sir and me. Within the first, oh, three hours I reckon, we’d be at each other’s throats. “Shouldn’t you have taken a left back there, Sir? I mean really, with the way you drive you’ll end up on Saturn.” Being a boy, of course it would not be a manly thing to stop and ask for directions.
    Sir insists he gets to hold the remote for the full 501 days, and I feel a surgical implantation of this device would not be enough of a guarantee for him.
    So just think on it – next time you get frustrated and feel a good brisk walk around the block will do wonders to calm your frazzled nerves, remember that on this little jaunt the best you could do would be a good brisk float to the bathroom – if there is such a space in your tin can.
    Page 2 of 2 - The mind truly curdles at the mere thought, doesn’t it?
    I mean – IS there a bathroom, or are you destined to pee in you space suit for 15 months?
    Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at anniedearkc @hotmail.com.
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