|
|
Examiner
  • Jason Offutt: Stay home, stay sane, save money

  • I’m not really sure what came over me. Maybe I was lightheaded from all the Thanksgiving Day football, or maybe I’d OD’d on turkey, but when I found myself contemplating going to a Black Friday sale I knew something was wrong.

    • email print
  • I’m not really sure what came over me. Maybe I was lightheaded from all the Thanksgiving Day football, or maybe I’d OD’d on turkey, but when I found myself contemplating going to a Black Friday sale I knew something was wrong.
    Our 20-year-old TV crapping out didn’t help matters.
    For the record, I hate shopping. Not grocery shopping, of course. The grocery store is where I buy bacon. It’s a good place, a happy place. I hate going anywhere else because most stores are crowded with people who seemingly have nothing better to do than to get in each other’s way. And there’s usually no bacon.
    So when I looked at an online Black Friday advertisement, noticing the sale actually started at 10 p.m. Thursday, I started to get the shakes. But there it was, a TV – cheap.
    Hmm, it was only 5 p.m. I picked up the phone.
    Store clerk: This is (name of discount store I don’t want to give free advertising). How may I help you?
    Me: I’m interested in the 40-inch TV. How many are in stock?
    Store clerk: Forty-two, but there’s already a line.
    Me: Excuse me?
    Store clerk: A line. People standing in a row.
    Me: At 5 o’clock?
    Store clerk: Yep. If you want a TV, you’d better get up here.
    Five hours? FIVE HOURS? Were five hours of my life worth giving up for a good price on a flat-screen TV?
    Uhhh, no.
    Instead I had a nice dinner with my family. We watched a movie afterward. I read books to the kids and tucked them into bed. After they fell asleep I drove to the store.
    It was like showing up late to a major sporting event. The parking lot large enough to fit a nice-sized carnival was full of cars. I found a spot close to the front because a few items went on sale at 8 p.m. and some shoppers had already fled to the bar.
    I opened the front doors to the store, and the one place in town I enjoyed going to as much as I enjoyed a colonoscopy spread out wide. I think everyone in town was there, and they looked pretty ticked off.
    I don’t know if I’m just dense, but the whole “on sale at 10 p.m.” thing baffles me. Like most guys, I know what I want before I get to the store, walk up to it, grab it, pay for it, then go home and drink it. Why must some corporate entity demand pallets of those items be masked in cardboard and Saran Wrap and force shoppers to wait in a pack around the pallet until the magic hour when I punch someone in the nose?
    Page 2 of 2 - Well, that part was kind of fun.
    The sale came and went. I didn’t get a TV, but I did get a good price on a wireless Internet router. I also learned something valuable that night. People are insane. Next Thanksgiving I’m not leaving my house.
    Follow Jason Offutt on Twitter @TheJasonOffutt.
     
      • calendar