• News? Well, just make something up


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  • To the editor:
    I recently braved the arctic temperatures to retrieve the daily papers. After collecting what seemed to be a takeaway menu from one of the local eateries, it was the Ex-aminer, merely a skeleton of its former iterations.
    As of late, the Ex-aminer seems to be going back to the “old ways,” this being a glorified newsletter for the Independence School District, the Chamber of Commerce and the city of Independence.
    The one item of real news seemed to be a recent report on the stolen vehicle suspect being released from the ICU at Centerpoint. This brings me to a question that I and probably every government research laboratory need to ask. Just how did IPD spot a stolen vehicle with a loaded weapon inside? I would venture that being able to ascertain that would involve ionizing radiation. (CAT scan?)
    There was a shutdown of Little Blue Parkway for a few hours a couple of weekends ago, as IPD investigated a suspicious package. Nary a peep of this in print or broadcast media. Just to satisfy curious persons, I have been telling them that it was a box containing the remains of the cement alligator that was shot last year with a .308 caliber rifle by IPD! (No good rumor by 10 a.m.? Then start one!)