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Examiner
  • Annie Dear: Money can't buy happiness - or brains, apparently

  • They say money doesn’t buy happiness, and I do believe that’s true.  Not that I’ve ever had the wherewithal to confirm or deny this hypothesis, being likely as I am to not even hit one Powerball number, and not having any obscenely wealthy aged long-lost relatives who might have a vague memory of me and thus include me in their wills.

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  • They say money doesn’t buy happiness, and I do believe that’s true.  Not that I’ve ever had the wherewithal to confirm or deny this hypothesis, being likely as I am to not even hit one Powerball number, and not having any obscenely wealthy aged long-lost relatives who might have a vague memory of me and thus include me in their wills.
    But I think it’s sufficient to presume that if you were a curmudgeonly old bugger the day you hit Powerball for $150 million, it’s unlikely that you’d become a loveable old man the day after.
    Money buys stuff. You can fancy up your house, you can buy a new car, a new boat, and a new pair of shoes.  Money can put your kids through college, or can allow you to have your crooked nose straightened or your yellowing teeth whitened.  But it can’t buy you love or happiness.
    You would think over the years that someone might have whispered this particular sweet nothing into the cavernous ears of our illustrious athletes, now wouldn’t you?
    I came across an article today entitled “25 Insane Athlete Purchases” on the CNN website, and just had to share some with you.
    Here we have one rocket scientist cum footballer who decided to buy 10 Segways for his teammates.  For those of you not in the know, a Segway is a fancy-schmancy motorized scooter type conveyance, going for about $7,000 a pop.  Whilst very generous of our running back, he’d failed to realize that the weight allowance for the vehicle was 260 pounds, and apparently none of his gifted teammates clocked in under 300. Nice gesture, indeed, but not packed with any amount of gray matter.
    A basketballer so loves his sneakers that he has in fact more than a thousand pairs, all housed in a temperature controlled closet complete with a fingerprint security device and a bed. Now other than a bunch of other basketballers no doubt sporting size 15 feet, who would break in and steal them, for a start, and – saying this as sotto voce as I can – who on earth needs a thousand pairs of shoes, and who needs to sleep with them?
    Another pinhead – oh sorry, I slipped – footballer who needed to travel from Houston to Nashville, and decided he wanted peace and quiet for this – what – three-hour trip – so bought out every seat on the plane for the never to be repeated offer of around $22,000.
    Mike Tyson naturally hits the list – twice in fact. One of his doozies was to buy three Bengal tigers for pets for a mere $140,000, and with an upkeep of $144,000 a year, Mike baby let them go for a song in his bankruptcy case. His other was a purchase of a $2 million solid gold bathtub. Just what every bathroom (with reinforced flooring) needs, right? Bankrupt? Really? Can’t understand why, can you?
    Page 2 of 2 - I therefore bring you the new Annie Dear Community Service Bulletin.  I’ve invented a new and improved adage.
    Psst – pay attention now: Money doesn’t buy brains either.
     
    Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at anniedearkc @hotmail.com.
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