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Examiner
  • Annie Dear: Hey buddy, can you spare a sponsorship?

  • So, I’ve just read that the United States Postal Service sponsored Lance Armstrong, and the U.S. Cycling Team, for $30 million.



    Now, forgive me here for just a tiny bit of skepticism, but what is a company which boasts a $16.1 billion deficit doing sponsoring a cycling team for a hefty thirty-mil?

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  • So, I’ve just read that the United States Postal Service sponsored Lance Armstrong, and the U.S. Cycling Team, for $30 million.
    Now, forgive me here for just a tiny bit of skepticism, but what is a company which boasts a $16.1 billion deficit doing sponsoring a cycling team for a hefty thirty-mil? And does it hope to boost its coffers by encouraging everyone to buy just one more 44 cent stamp?
    Not only that, but what is a company which boasts a $16.1 billion deficit doing sponsoring a liar and a cheat for a hefty thirty-mil?
    I’m really sorry, but enough already.
    It’s patently obvious America doesn’t like to be lied to. It’s also more than evident that America is quite happy for sponsors to lavish outrageous quantities of money on its sporting heroes, until such a hero falls from grace.
    Does anyone see this as faintly ridiculous, or is it just me?
    I have a proposal. These sponsors should look inward to their filthy-lucred souls and come up with a plan which will not only enrich their brand, but also the soul that lies deeper and more hidden in America.
    How about sponsoring something, or someone, worthy?
    Being the humble and self-effacing soul that I am, I would like to put myself forward as an example.
    I am an ordinary person, but one with a deep dark secret. I have never learned to ride a bike. My youngest brother, some five years older than me, had a nasty bike accident when he was but 7, and thereafter my parents immediately declared bike riding off limits.
    So you see, despite the fact that I couldn’t give a tuppenny toss about never having ridden a bike at all, I am willing, for, oh let’s be generous, for a mere $15 million, be prepared to be sponsored by the likes of the U.S. Postal Service, to learn how to ride one – even in my advancing years. I am not, after all, too embarrassed to be using training wheels for a cool 15. Bring it on.
    Imagine the mileage the USPS could get from my late-training shenanigans? I could be the face of the brave, the body of the oh-dear, and the spirit of never-say-never. Surely a better sponsoring bet than that of a drug user and a liar?
    And while we’re at it, I could encourage Nike to kick into the can from its obscene coffers lining Tiger Woods’ pockets, and I will happily wear its Swish on my ass if needs be.
    And just think – I am positive I could get Johnson and Johnson to add to my now burgeoning fortune for me to sport their latest band aid – multiply used to achieve the greatest effect.
    Page 2 of 2 - It’s time the big winners of this country support the commoner, don’t you think?
    Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at anniedearkc @hotmail.com.
     
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