Our home has transformed into a fantasy land. He thinks he manages his own football team and I think I'm going to lose weight.
I never kid myself by thinking the latest fad of a diet is a lifestyle change. It's not. It's a diet and this time, just to mix it up, I started on a different day other than Monday. I didn't intend to go on a diet, but after my daughter began showing signs of losing pounds just by eliminating carbs, I thought I'd give it a try. Never hurts to lose a few pounds before the holidays, so I don't have to feel so guilty about putting the second piece of pumpkin pie in my mouth. Besides, the grass mowing has slowed down to a crawl and he's so preoccupied managing two fantasy football teams, I think he may have forgotten he's not really part of the national football league and the players can't hear a thing he says from the couch.
While he's researching stats, injuries and trades with other "fantasy" managers, I've been experimenting with creating meals that don't have any carbohydrates. Basically it's protein, vegetables and fruits, which is a little difficult since I'm not a big fan of meat. I've had an aversion to eating meat, especially if looks like it was walking around just a few days before, since my hippie days in high school. I just can't get around the concept of grabbing a chicken leg and gnawing on it until you're down to the bone. My rule of thumb has typically been, if I have to chew on a piece of meat more than seven times to get it down, it's going to end up in a waded up napkin.
Cooking the meat isn't a problem since his "diet" consists of meat, potatoes, bread and apple butter. I'm pretty sure, if he had just these four items to eat, every day, for the rest of his life, along with a sweet tea and ESPN on the TV, he'd be a happy camper. Typically the cooked meat would be eaten by him and the dogs while I'd fill up on starch and then more starch and then top it off with a couple of rolls smeared in butter.
I knew there were more items besides my usual of lettuce, apples and oranges in the produce aisle, but I never realized how many more options there were. I feel like an idiot it took becoming a grandma to consider trying these strange looking fruits and vegetables, I thought only the yuppies were eating. I've discovered new vegetables such as sweet potatoes and squash and fruits like kiwi and papaya. With the football frenzy stretching from Thursday to Sunday, he hasn't even noticed his green beans have been replaced with sautéed green peppers and zucchini.
His main concern, as a "manager," in the fourth week of the season is some of his "players" are running out of gas. My main concern, eating all these fruits and vegetables, is I have more gas than I can contain. I'm just glad the dogs are always lying in front of my chair so if the smell drifts his way, I can blame it on them.
I may be losing weight, but the fact of the matter is, chocolate chip cookies never gave me gas.
Sandy Turner lives in Independence. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org