Just give me a few spring-like days and into action I actually spring. Well, often I spring into action by urging those around me to so do as well, in a Larry the Cable Guy “git ‘er done” sort of way.
I urge Sir to go get bird seed when he makes a run up to the grocery store. You know he wears a panic-stricken look on these outings, so I either send him up with a list of items that is foolproof – things like eggs; bread (I only send him for the brand he knows); wine (ditto the bread); and bird seed. Or I send him with a list of slightly exotic products – say for instance, salmon and bacon – but couple the list with a map of the store so that Sir can find the X without getting lost or risking brain ooze.
We are in need of bird seed as, yes, dear and gentle reader, our ducks are back. Howard and Gladys have returned to the fold, accompanied by one very jaunty Juan Carlos, evidently their pool boy. I would have to say Juan Carlos has taken rather a shine to Sir, and will quite boldly wander up to the deck to see if Sir has anything special for him. Invariably, Sir does.
We also have another pair of drakes – who am I to judge, I ask you – whom we variously name Chad and Jeremy, or Phil and Don – of the Everly Brothers fame – or indeed, The Righteous Brothers. Visiting also is a pair of Howard and Gladys wannabes – these we’ve dubbed The Imposters, or Ed and Trixie, or Alice and Ralph.
I have tried to urge Sir to stir his stumps – a good Aussie expression in line with the U.S. version of “get off you’re a**” – to get a new patio umbrella and a new barbecue, our existing versions looking decidedly long in the fang. He has now spoken about it for approximately eight weeks.
But I’m wise to him, you see. I know that Sir can procrastinate me into an early grave. He’s quite clever really – he knows that if he voices his need to do something often enough, my patience level hits rock bottom and so I fly into action and get it done in a heartbeat, uttering phrases like “oh for goodness sake” and “good Lord” while I rally my resources.
Rather than drag our non-shopping selves around town to try to not only find the articles, but to also have them delivered and installed, I rocket to my computer, find what we want, and order and pay for them in a Guinness World Book of Records-worthy time of 34.3258 minutes. As we speak, the barbecue and umbrella sit pert in their spots, and Sir needs to procrastinate no more. Well, until next time.
So all we need now are my hummingbirds – still a bit chilly for them, I feel – and some warmer weather so we can go and appreciate Umberto (the umbrella) and Steve (the barbecue).
– Annie Dear lives in Lee's Summit. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org