I’ve been on social media since March 2012. I’m still not sure why.

Social media doesn’t provide heat, it doesn’t provide shelter, it doesn’t provide food. So, given Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, social media is useless for our basic life requirements.

However, social media provides psychological needs, such as belonging and love, apparently by being “followed” by hundreds of people you have not, nor ever will meet.

At the top of Maslow’s pyramid is self-actualization. A person achieves this by reaching their full potential.

Looking back over my last year’s posts, I wonder if social media helped me achieve my full potential. The following are posts I made on social media in 2017. Let’s take a look at a year in the life of Jason.

Jan. 2: You know you’re a Star Wars fan when in church the pastor says, “Holy one,” and you swear you heard, “Obi Wan.”

Jan. 15: Beeracle: When you think you’re out of beer, but find an extra brewski hiding in the fridge.

Jan. 23: I almost choked on an orange slice today. The lesson? Fruit is bad, eat more bacon.

Jan. 25: A student came into my office and said, “Offutt, I need a solution.”

I said, “Pure water.”

The look on the kid’s face was painful.

Feb. 1: I like to sit in awkward spots in waiting rooms to make people feel uncomfortable.

Feb. 18: One of my children apparently wiped a booger on the side of an open Kleenex box. Possibly the laziest thing I’ve ever seen.

March 7: I saw a student today writing in a spiral notebook, which is fine, except she was using her laptop as a writing board.

April 25: Leaving a toddler alone with an unattended bowl of oatmeal had a different outcome than I expected.

July 17: Toddler: “I need draw on wall.”

Me: “No, you draw on paper.”

Toddler: “It’s my house.”

July 28: Me: “What movie should we introduce to the Boy tonight?”

Wife: “How about that one you think is a Christmas movie?”

Me: “Die Hard.”


Aug. 18: After nearly 15 years of marriage, my wife admitted something disturbing. She said, “I don’t like tacos.” I don’t even know her anymore.

Sept. 6: I fed my family turkey bacon for breakfast this morning. It felt like I was lying to them.

Sept. 12: Someone somewhere has seen my face in their grilled cheese sandwich. In their land, I’m revered as the god of moist cheddar. Could be worse.

Sept. 22: Your toddler crawling into bed with you is like pouring water on a table. Both spread out as much as physics will allow.

Sept. 23: So, putting out a swear jar for our children doesn’t reflect on us as parents, right?

Nov. 29: You know you’re old when you keep a dirty Kleenex because half of it’s still good.

Dec. 26: My wife made the mistake of giving the game “Risk” to our children for Christmas. “What? You’re tired? No, kid. You started the game, you finish the game. Asia’s mine. Roll the dice. ROLL THE DICE.”

What a great year. Full potential achieved.


-- Jason’s newest novel, “Bad Day for the Apocalypse,” is available at jasonoffutt.com