I wish to become an influencer.

I’ve read up on this a bit, and I think I have it figured out:

1. Open an Instagram account to highlight my fabulous, brightly lit, red-carpet life.

2. Shamelessly but seamlessly plug the products I magically encounter through the day, from jeans to Jeeps.

3. Cash checks from the beneficiaries of the relentless plugging.

I hear all the celebrities are doing this. If people are taking life and lifestyle cues from Kim Kardashian, why can’t I get into this game?

This is a business plan, so it should be subjected to that hoary old time-waster, the SWOT analysis. Yes, what are the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats facing my organization, that is, me:

• Strengths – I’m cognizant that “influencer” is a thing, whatever that thing is. Just as “thought leader” and “innovator” have been things. Heaven only knows what buzzword comes next – paradigms do shift – so I need to hop on this.

• Weakness – This influencer racket apparently requires a certain technological sophistication, and as the great philosopher Clint Eastwood once said, “A man’s got to know his limitations.”

Let me explain.

I’ve only recently taken up with Siri.

“Siri, call so-and-so.”

“Siri, I didn’t stay up after the first overtime. Who won the hockey game?”

The other day, I said, “Call home,” to which Siri replied – and I quote – “I don’t know who you are.”

Can there be a more unkind cut? Perhaps I’m not that savvy after all and shouldn’t be entrusted with all the good toys.

• Opportunities – Cash on the barrelhead, although I’m sure it doesn’t work out that way. Probably Bitcoin or – let’s go old school – Green Stamps. Don’t knock Green Stamps. They were great.

• Threats – Quickly shifting paradigms.

I know I need to be on brand 24/7. I don’t know what that means, but I see it on Twitter all the time, so it must be important. Once I nail that, I’m going to embrace a data-driven 360-strategy to grab the low-hanging fruit and then pivot to optimized synergy and compete in that space.

In other words, I’m going to influence like there’s no tomorrow.

Lincoln said you can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all the time. That should be about enough to drive value for all stakeholders.

Well, maybe one stakeholder. And that’s enough.

Jeff Fox is The Examiner’s editor. Reach him at 816-350-6365 or jeff.fox@examiner.net. He’s on Twitter at @FoxEJC.