Every summer we have an infestation of a rodent or insect. Surprisingly enough, these annoying creatures and crawlers don’t come back for a repeat each summer. They like to mix it up a bit, just to keep us on our toes.
This year it’s tiny toads and large horse flies. The toads are everywhere – in the grass, on the porch, in the plants. For being so tiny they seem to be able to jump leaps and bounds, except when it comes to dodging the lawn mower.
I don’t mind the toads. The grandkids have been catching them, and it’s brought hours of entertainment watching the little buggers try to get out of a plastic bucket. Eventually we take them back to the pond, where we think they belong, but more times than not, they’re making a beeline back up to the house.
What scares me most about the horse fly is it’s so large you can actually see its eyeballs staring you down as if you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The following story is true, and although I can’t prove it, I’m convinced a horse fly was stalking me.
While watching the grandkids, the 3-year-old-potty-trainer said the magical words “pee-pee,” so I pulled over immediately. The back of the van was full of groceries so I sat her, and the potty chair, off to the side of the van to take care of business.
When the horse fly showed up there was no going potty. She wanted back in the van. We loaded up and took off driving when I noticed the horsefly was on the windshield – on the inside! I didn’t dare say a word and when we got home I went back out to get rid of the larger-than-the-average-horsefly-pain-in-my-behind.
With one fell swoop of the swatter I got him. He landed with a thud and while I was trying to scoop him up he came back alive and crawled down inside of the A/C vent on top of the dashboard. I spent the next five minutes trying to hit him in the head with the swatter every time he came up to see if I was gone. Eventually, after he didn’t come back up for a bit, I was convinced he was a goner and put the swatter down.
The next day, after driving three towns away and, while watching grandkids, a dang horsefly started buzzing around just about bedtime. Nobody’s going to go to sleep with a horsefly trying to be a bombardier on your head. Not being equipped with my swatter I grabbed the grandson’s library book and gave the landed horsefly something to read about. I left him smooshed on the book while I put the kids to bed.
Two hours later, relaxed and ready to go to sleep myself, the horsefly reappeared. I couldn’t believe it until I checked the library book and sure enough, there was no horsefly. Running through the house like a grandma gone crazy I chased it into the bathroom, shut the door and stuffed rugs under the door so it couldn’t get out.
The next morning I made sure the library book won. The horsefly was dead and so I returned the book.
Sandy Turner lives in Independence. Email her at email@example.com.