In this era of nonstop information, real and otherwise, the coronavirus is the perfect vehicle for rumors, conspiracy, truthiness and fear-mongering.
It's the telephone game gone wild.
Because there are people who see politics in everything, some folks are feasting on an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord of paranoia. They are convinced the virus is a ploy to upend the president's reelection.
The only thing missing is a diagram on the basement wall showing how Jack Ruby kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.
The president's son Donald Jr. is leading the chorus, saying Democrats hope people sicken and die to end his father's "winning streak." Only a person who missed the TV debates could believe Democrats possess the cohesion and focus required to foster such evil.
Right now, they couldn't rig a pro wrestling match, though one Democratic congressman has threatened to thump the first son if they cross paths.
Medal-winning mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh argues that coronavirus is nothing more than the common cold being elevated by liberals, fem-bots and the media.
Limbaugh and others recently went into Deep State apoplexy upon learning Dr. Nancy Messonnier, chief of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is a sister of former assistant U.S. Attorney General Rod Rosenstein.
So, you know, there it is.
If it is true, as is being reported, that U.S. intelligence officials knew about the coronavirus outbreak in December but demurred to avoid poking the Trumpy Bear, the timeline fits perfectly with Kim Jung Un's threat to deliver a "Christmas gift" we wouldn't soon forget.
So, perhaps while we were snickering and feeling sorry for the horse Kim was pictured riding last October, he was dispatching a wave of doom and death in the form of this contagion.
After all, this is the same guy who poisoned his own brother in a public airport.
But crediting Kim with the coronavirus is only plausible if you really believe he would be loony enough to launch a germ-warfare attack on big-brother China, where the outbreak began.
The Chinese would turn North Korea into a parking lot and build a Kentucky Fried Chicken on it.
Sales of Corona Extra beer are taking a hit because, one, it's from Mexico, and, two, we can't be bothered to learn.
Then again, if anyone has motive to upgrade Montezuma's revenge, it's Mexico. Such xenophobia is the same reason Chinese restaurants are taking a hit.
Me, I'm putting my money on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
News of the coronavirus has been so all-consuming, no one's even talking about the locust invasion that is rendering East Africa bare.
Someone cue the frogs and lice.
Reach Charita at 330-580-8313 or email@example.com. On Twitter: @cgoshay