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Being spooked all year long

The Examiner

Since Halloween came early, by months, with mask wearing and being spooked by cooties, perhaps the trick is on us and we didn’t get any treats.

Sandy Turner

I want to avoid germs, just like the next guy, but if I can't feel safe, breathing the air around me while picking up a gallon of milk, I probably should just buy a cow. The real monster here could be called the media who are continuously scaring us by giving out too much information, too often.

I’ve never thought the COVID isn’t real but often wonder why the news isn’t being reported the same on all stations or channels? How could vital information such as to our health and well-being not be reported factually and accurately? At this point we may as well take it to a Ouija board to figure out what we should be doing next.

By this time next week we will either be scared out of our wits because we still don’t know who’s been elected to be our president, we have a president chosen but everyone’s gone crazy, or we’re stuck in our house drinking witches brew just to get through the day.

This is a scary time – we will experience a rare, second full moon tonight to guide our little ghosts and goblins whose parents are scared to knock on your doors.

There are other things that can give me a fright.

Being scared is when you imagine a shadow passes by the other side of the shower curtain, especially if you’re home alone – but then again, I can scare myself pretty good just by stepping out of the shower and catching a glimpse in the mirror.

Clothing can be scary. I'm far from being a fashion queen or even close to being trendy, but it's a little creepy to see people who insist on wearing clothes that don't come close to fitting. Guys who are sporting jeans that are too big and hang so low we can see their boxer shorts or women wearing leggings and need a larger and longer shirt to cover up what none of us want to see. I get we are all tired of being at home, but the least folks could do is change out of their pajamas before going out in public.

I'm being haunted all right by creepy stuff called getting old. The gray hair is coming in sooner than my hair appointments to cover them up. Having single strands of hair grow out of the side of my cheek is even scarier. The words “huh,” and “what did you say” are a staple in my vocabulary, and I've considered buying a magnifying glass as my readers aren't quite doing the job anymore. Not being able to squat for longer than 10 seconds is scary. Not being able to get back up is scarier. It seems as though it happened overnight – my knees are creaking more than the floor.

Trick or treat, you say? This year's Halloween costume will be effortless. I'm going as a menopausal, mad woman with a mask on.            

Sandy Turner lives in Independence. Email her at sandydownhome@hotmail.com.