Much-needed environmental movement is at hand
Editor's note: Annie Dear is off this week. This is a favorite from 2016.
Won’t you join me in a crusade? I am determined to stamp out a societal scourge which has cursed me for the final time. I vow and declare on my mother’s ashes that this is my quest – I’ll follow that star – no matter how hopeless, no matter how far. Oh sorry, I slipped into a little Don Quixote on the way there, didn’t I? But back to the issue at hand.
You anticipate the box with the joy of a kid at Christmas. In my case, it was the expectation of the imminent arrival of Vita Weat (sic) biscuits, an Australian cracker which has no equivalent here, and is an absolute must if you are to enjoy a vegemite and cheese cracker snack. No other crackers will do. One cannot create butter and vegemite “worms” through the cracker holes without the trusty Vita Weat.
Cutting the tape on the box, you open your treasure only to find packing peanuts covering your gems. I hate them with a burning passion, so much so that the next time I get any I am sending them back to the sender.
But in order to uncover your goodies, you have to plow through the damned peanuts which gaily spread themselves all over the kitchen, and if you’re unlucky enough to be sporting a spot of static electricity at the time, all over you.
Gathering up these ecological menaces I stuffed them back in their box, vowing not to get them wet or feed them after midnight, so Gremlin-like are they. Securing the box, lest these creatures find their cunning little ways out, I dumped them into the trash bin, apologizing all the while to the eco-system, knowing they – like cockroaches and Keith Richards – will survive a nuclear holocaust.
This was weeks ago – a reminder that I need to order more Vita Weats as I have nearly depleted my store.
So imagine my dismay – blinding rage, call it what you will – last Wednesday, our trash day, to arrive home from work after our overnight and mid-morning storms to find our yard, and the yards to the right and left of us, littered with hundreds of packing peanuts.
I swear they weren’t mine – I wouldn’t let these little bastards see the light of day ever again. So some neighbor, some careless evil-minded neighbor, did not take the time or care to secure their devils-disguised-as-protective-packaging, and let them loose on our street. Knowing the direction of the wind, I will bet my bottom dollar it’s that person across the street who lets their oak leaves drop all over our lawn in the fall too. Well guess what, that neighbor is going to find about a million sweet-gum balls on their lawn this fall.
Revenge is mine, thus sayeth the Lord.
No, I will be good. I will now write to those useless piles of personages in Congress demanding the ban on these evil-doers and see who responds.
What’s the bet? Anyone?
Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.