Remember the friendly skies? Let's go for that

Annie Dear
The Independent Aussie
Annie Dear

Sir and I are making our biennial trek across this great land next week, there to visit our divine aunt, Boston Lil.

This, unfortunately, takes us into the state of California, the land of the $4.50 gas and felons walking about freely. Lovely state, California, if it weren’t for the people really.  Ooh, my bias is showing – do forgive me.

So, this trek, naturally, will take us out to our pathetic airport. I have mentioned this before, but guys, really. It’s going to be years before the new airport opens – how about spending just a little bit of dough to make the current one habitable? Just saying.

I used to be an extremely happy traveler. I would find joy and wonder in the art of flying, I would happily choose either chicken or beef, and would cheerfully get all dressed up for my fancy flight. Nowadays, not so much. I am tempted to moo at the terminal, feeling more like a herded cow than a human. I make supplications to whomever is listening that there will be no one in the middle seat, and that the flight is not delayed.

Which brings me, saliently, to my point. Airlines are so strapped with scheduling that it’s more common than not for flights to be held up at best, canceled at worst. This does not a happy and carefree traveler make, let me tell you.

I would therefore like it to be known that while I may not look like a cranky person, I have an inner anti-Karen just champing at the bit to be let loose.

Have you seen the recent spate of videos on social media about people behaving badly on planes? I have, and it fills me with mouth-drying horror.

I am all for freedom. It’s a privilege that we take far too much for granted, and when it is impinged upon most of us mumble and grumble pithy phrases, most of which are not fit to print, but we suck it up and try to get on with life as best we can.

I loathe wearing a mask. It messes up with my lipstick, so it would appear I’ve actually smeared all over the lower half of my face. Why I put it on in the first place is quite beyond me, as nobody is going to see the lower half of my face for several hours, and I could wait until I’m maskless in the car to don my gloss. But being a creature of habit, one’s makeup is not complete without lippy, now, is it?

So, with advanced warning, if I am unlucky enough to be on a flight on which a passenger decides this is the perfect time and place to object to wearing a mask and therefore bring the wrath of the flight attendants, flight crew and air marshals down upon us, I am very likely to go extremely anti-Karen on you.

If you dare delay the flight I’m already dreading, which will therefore make me miss my connecting flight, which I am equally dreading, woe betide you for ever daring to wail about your loss of freedom.

Believe me when I tell you, I will tase you myself. 

Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at anniedear@icloud.com.