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Annie Dear: Tips and tricks to survive the day

Staff Writer
The Examiner
The Examiner

As the late Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have phrased so eloquently “build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door.”

That would be an “ah ha” moment, now wouldn’t it? I would like to impart some home-spun wisdom with you all – not that any of these were indeed spun in my home – which I know will leaving you muttering “well I’ll be,” as they did me.

Tired of your kids’ shoelaces coming untied but don’t want to mess with double knots and the ensuing drama getting them undone? Well, have I got a cure for you – with credit to my ex-husband for the knowledge.

First, go ahead and tie the shoelaces. Cross one over the other and tighten. Make a loop and wind the other lace around the base of the loop, creating another loop by bringing it through the bit that would like to be a knot before it makes up its mind. All normal up to here.

Now. Stop right there.

Before you hold a loop in each thumb and forefinger and go to finish your bow-perfection, pass the second loop through the dithering knot, and then tighten. Voila. The laces will not come undone willy-nilly, but with a tug of the aglet (that plastic thingy on the end of a shoelace), the lace will give in with utmost grace and dignity.

Hate to mess around with corn silk? Well, shucks. Oh, I couldn’t resist, so do pardon the pun. Don’t bother fiddling with denuding the corn of its clothing at all. Put the ear of corn in the microwave, zap on high for four minutes. Using an oven glove, remove it, place it on a chopping board, and cut through the base of the corn about an inch or so in, and, placing your gloved and firm hand around the middle, start squeezing the ear out of its husk. It will, with a bit of geographical relocation of the squeezing hand, give up its outerwear and silk undergarments in one swell foop and will slither onto your plate, naked and begging for butter.

My very own Sir – with whom I have just celebrated 21 years of wedded hilarity – came up with a “doh – ah ha” moment himself the other day.

When zapping your cup of coffee in the microwave, how often have you wondered how many seconds will it take not only for the coffee to be hot, but for the cup handle to be obediently facing you when you open the door? I know it drives me potty – never thought about it, did you? Well Sir has taken science to a new level and has it all figured out. Turn off the turntable. See? Up here for thinking, down there for dancing.

We humans always think we’re smarter than the average animal (oh wait! Is that Human Supremacy rearing its ugly head? Please don’t tell PETA on me), but you know, we can learn a lot.

As Sir discovered, we’ve been eating bananas upside down! Don’t peel from the stemmy bit. Peel it from the bottom and use the stem as a handle.

Monkeys have been doing it for millennia.

Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at anniedear@icloud.com.