Got a complaint? Don't we all

The Examiner
Annie Dear

It has been slowly dawning upon this moldy brain that we’re being slowly and inexorably stripped of our national identity by complainers.

Now I like a good complaint like anyone, but it usually revolves around substandard restaurant food, below-par customer service, or the fact that I can’t fit into size 2 jeans.  I might add a small note here that I’ve never been able to fit into size 2 jeans, but I figure if I complain loudly enough someone might take notice and help me.  A tire iron might be nice.

Ah, but you see, here’s the thing. I can complain till I’m purple, and it being such a silly bloody complaint, nobody is responding. And I don’t blame them in the least. It’s a frivolous complaint, worthy to be completely ignored.

Apparently, the Entomological Society of America (you just knew it had to be America, now, didn’t you?) has decided that a couple of insects are being insensitive clinging onto their names as they are, so the gypsy moth and the gypsy ant are to get new monikers.  The names are evidently “unwelcoming to marginalized communities”.

I would be the very first to hail the Romanies. My perception is they are a most romantic, thumb-your-nose-at-convention lot, and “gypsy” to me is quite fabulous. But I guess my pro-vote does not outweigh the nays. I wonder how may complained to the society to get this outrageous hurt scrubbed off the face of the earth.

From what I hear, the Payday candy bar is to get a new title too, as it is hurtful to those who don’t have a job. 

Now look, people, we can take this “Political Naiceness” (pronounce it as the Queen would) only so far without looking like total twats.

I mean, I could get wildly offended if I really tried hard. Oh, and believe me, I’d have to try really, really hard, as we Aussies are very difficult to offend as such attempts to do so would be greeted with a “oh naff off, you wanker” and would thence be ignored.

Take The Australian Crawl, for instance. Going back to the 1890s, the stroke was developed by an enterprising school kid named Alick Wickham, it was the precursor to freestyle. If you’ve followed swimming over the years, the Aussies historically have done anything but Crawl performing the stroke, so it is therefore potentially extremely hurtful to refer to the stroke thusly.  Except for the fact I would be greeted with “oh naff off you wanker” by my fellow Aussies.

Surely Hershey Bars should be renamed Personshey Bars, or even Them Bars, shouldn’t they?

How many complaints does it take for wokeness to leap valiantly into the fray to appease the complainants?

I mean really. How many of you rushed to the phones and bitched at Land O’ Lakes that the gorgeous Native American gal was a totally inappropriate logo? How many flooded the Uncle Ben’s or the Aunt Jemima companies with outraged emails claiming extreme condemning racism displayed by these happy, smiling faces?

I’m getting to realize, not many.

Suck it up, buttercup, and get the hell over it. I’m tired of this nonsense, don’t know about you.

Annie Dear lives in Lee’s Summit. Email her at anniedear@icloud.com.