Sandy Turner: It’s a matter of attitude

Staff Writer
The Examiner
The Examiner

Looking on the bright side of having to wear a mask is a daunting task but I’m up for the challenge. I’m determined to keep my glass half full even though this pandemic is trying to empty it.

Besides keeping my hands from touching the face, the mask also helps to slow down food going to my mouth. Face coverings could become the new fad diet. Wear a mask for 24 hours and you’re guaranteed to lose a pound a day.

If my breath really smells like it does inside of this mask after 15 minutes, it’s a wonder people haven’t been keeping their distance before the days of COVID-19. At least with a mask on I can get close enough to hold a quiet conversation without having to worry about popping in a breath mint beforehand.

If I wanted to rob a bank, at least one piece of my wardrobe is already intact, and as a bonus, the mask makes my voice sound muffled, so they’d have to track me down by the gray roots and inability to not pass gas while running.

I no longer have to act like I’m in a good mood when I’m not. Besides the ever so slight move of the eyebrows when I’m irritated, I can fake my way through the day with a frown if I want to.

I don’t have to hold conversations, as I can easily get by with acting like I can’t hear a word they’re saying with a mask on (honestly I have a hard enough time when I can read their lips).

No longer do I have to wonder why adults walk around with a missing front tooth. I understand it’s none of my business and have no right to question why they can’t get a fake tooth for that lopsided grin, but now I don’t have to look at it. If they don’t want to brush their teeth, that’s just fine, just don’t take the mask off.

Driving by the cornfields while they’re using the combine is no longer a race to get the window up. Just wear your mask proudly and drive through the plume of dust. This is only going to work if your mask is brown. I’ve found that white masks and corn husk dust do not mix. If only we had face masks available to us during the childhood bug fogger days. Who knows how much chemical we inhaled running in that fog of bug spray.

The mask is uncomfortable, it makes my face sweat and I feel like I’m getting ready to trick or treat. I’m no longer claustrophobic but I feel like the mask could bring me back to the days of having to sit on the end seat at the theater. I can only imagine being on an elevator, which is bad enough, and then top it off with a mask.

Masks are a necessity right now. Some say it doesn’t keep the germs away while others say it does. If wearing a mask will help, in any way, fight off this nasty bug, I’m all in.

Too bad the bug fogger truck couldn’t make a comeback and kill COVID-19 by spraying the neighborhoods. We’d all be chasing the fog man.

– Sandy Turner lives in Independence. Email her at